Shalzed is a superhero who tried and failed to use his powers to achieve human rights. Now he speaks with individuals whose views he disagrees with, to persuade and understand. For his full bio, click here.

Congressman Brian Babin recently introduced a bill to take away birthright citizenship, mirroring an Executive Order issued by Trump. In this episode Shalzed wants to know why they aren’t more concerned about how this may lead to violations of human rights.

Babin’s hometown office on the outskirts of Houston was inside a local government building that looked just like a post office. Maybe a long time ago that’s what it was. Now they have a visitor’s center that gives information about how to get to the nearest golf course and has signs explaining to whoever has a spare minute the glorious history of the suburb called Deer Park.

Congressmen don’t usually spend much time at their local outpost, but I knew today Babin had scheduled a bunch of meetings with constituents to listen to their complaints, questions, and other bullshit. Sure enough, after I’d waited only a few minutes he pulled up in a good looking Ford F-150 he was driving himself.

“Howdy, Mr. Congressman,” I said as he got out, doing my best to imitate a Texas drawl.

“Hi, have yourself a good morning,” he replied without bothering to look in my direction as he grabbed a briefcase from the passenger seat.

“I have a copy of the constitution,” I said as he closed the door to his pickup.

He gave me a funny look. “Shalzed?” he asked, as it slowly dawned on him who I was.

“Yup,” I answered. “Are you going to try to find out if I’m an illegal alien?”

He tossed his briefcase on the hood and folded his arms across his chest. He was wearing what they call ‘Washington casual’- a nice shirt and dress pants but no tie or jacket. And of course he had the little American flag pin on his shirt that they all wear to remind you they're a member of Congress. “What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Toothache. I might need a filling,” I said. Babin still listed himself as a doctor, and for 30 years he worked as a dentist before running for Congress.

“Aren’t you the crazy guy that destroyed the United Nations?”

“Yeah, I thought you’d have liked that,” I told him. He was a Trumper, and that’s all anyone needs to know to guess how much regard he has for the UN.

“What do you want with me?” he demanded. He seemed a little scared. I noticed his right hand touching his belt, good Texan that he was he probably had a gun there in a hidden holster.

“Just curious about why you want ten percent of babies born in the U.S. not to be citizens,” I asked.

“Tell me why giving pregnant women an incentive to sneak across the border to give birth makes sense,” he replied.

Five middle aged men pulled up in an old extended cab Chevy Silverado and hurried towards the building. They all glanced at me and Babin, maybe wondering if he was the congressman. Probably they were his first meeting. “The bill you introduced, and for that matter also Trump’s order, go way beyond illegal immigrants,” I told him. Trump and Babin are trying to change the law to deny citizenship not just to the children of illegal immigrants born of in the United States, but also children of parents here legally on student or work visas too.

“Illegals are the starting point,” he said.

Now I crossed my hands across my chest also. “Tell me something. Why are you doing it? You know it’s unconstitutional, even a judge said so already.”

“And what’s it to you anyway, Shalzed?” he asked, suddenly looking smug. “You’re supposed to be campaigning for human rights. Do you human rights crazies now say every person on earth is entitled to U.S. citizenship?”

Unfortunately, Congressmen are just like compulsive gamblers and lottery addicts- they never think things through. “Citizenship in at least one country is a human right,” I told him. “After all, every person needs some place on earth where they are allowed to settle. And your policy could leave a lot of children stateless.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “Babies born in the U.S. to non-citizens can get the same citizenship as their parents.”

Babin’s phone buzzed. He pulled it from his pants pocket to read a message. “Is it Donald?” I teased. “It wouldn’t be my business if he was still at Mar-a-Lago, but now that he’s at the White House it’s a taxpayer owned phone so I’m entitled to know who he’s calling.”

Babin clicked his tongue. “I wish it was Donald. But it’s my secretary saying the folks arrived for my first appointment.”

Those four guys could wait a little, I wasn’t about to let him rush off. “What if the parents are Venezuelan?” I asked. “Since Venezuela doesn’t offer consular services in the U.S. and people here illegally or as asylum seekers can’t leave and reenter, getting Venezuelan citizenship for their baby could be a little bit difficult.”

Babin shrugged. “Maybe they should have thought of that before coming to the U.S.,” he said.

As if they hadn’t. Obviously they wouldn’t have tried to enter the U.S. if life in Venezuela was the slightest bit tolerable. “What about folks seeking asylum who can’t get services from their own embassy? Or for that matter not every baby born abroad qualifies for citizenship in their parents’ country. Even the U.S. has restrictions on that.”

Babin stared for a moment at the building entrance. I couldn’t tell if he was thinking about the issue or trying to come up with one of those lame excuses Congressmen always use to get away. “We could always make exceptions for statelessness,” he said after a moment.

“But you didn’t,” I told him. “Not in your bill, and not in Trump’s order.”

“Listen, it’s going to get changed,” he said.

I smiled. “So you admit you know it’s going to be struck down by the courts. The whole thing is just a publicity stunt.”

He grasped the handle of his briefcase on the hood of his F-150. “I have a meeting now,” he said. Silence is as close as a politician will ever come to acknowledging that you’re right.

“What about family separation?” I asked. “If children are not citizens that can lead to breaking up families, and that’s also a violation of human rights (article 9).”

Babin spat on the ground like a batter up 3-0 in the count waiting the pitcher to stop walking around and get back on the bump. “That’s why we don’t ratify those crazy ass treaties,” he said. “If parents don’t want to risk being separated from their children they shouldn’t enter the U.S. illegally. Under U.S. law we can go ahead with removing an alien even if removal separates them from their children. I have no problem with that.”

“Nice talking with you then,” I said, holding out my hand. “From now on call you Mr. Compassion. That should be your new name.”

He yanked his briefcase off the pickup truck and strode forward to shake my hand. “I have plenty of compassion,” he said, puffing up his chest to try to look indignant. “For the hardworking people of Texas who don’t want to pay for illegal immigrant babies. And for law-abiding U.S. citizens who don’t want foreigners streaming across the border to take away their jobs And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to my meeting.”

I thought of asking how he’d feel if he had been born in Cuba or Venezuela instead of Beaumont, Texas, but what was the point? Some people just lack empathy and nothing’s going to change it. “Have you ever read about the emotional and developmental toll immigration enforcement has on children?” I asked.

“Did you know that covering the costs of births for non-citizens costs U.S. taxpayers $2.4 billion per year?” he said back. “Now why don’t you go use up your energy fighting tyrants and war criminals and leave people like me who just want to enforce common sense laws alone.” He stepped around me and headed for the building entrance.

As he opened the door a car pulled up, and four young women wearing T-shirts that had ‘Ocean Clean Up’ written above a plastic bottle with a red X over it got out of a Prius. Probably Babin’s second appointment. “Good luck,” I called to them and smiled.

One of the women rushed over to me and asked if I would sign their petition. “We’ve already got over a thousand signatures,” she said, brimming with excitement. “Congressman Babin is chairman of the House Science Committee so we’ve got to get his support.” Why not? She handed me a pen and I added my name.

I had a feeling these women were going to be disappointed. But heck, so was I. I thought of extending my right arm up into the air and flying direct to Washington to ask the big man in the White House what he has to say. But I decided to just forget it. I’m sure over the next four years I’ll have many reasons to go there. There’s no sense getting into a food fight with the Secret Service already, and Trump is just Babin a little bit bigger and probably also a little less smart.

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Questions for discussion:

1. Is birthright citizenship a necessary safeguard against statelessness or other human rights violations that might befall the child? Or can those be addressed on a case by case basis, while whatever human rights benefits birthright citizenship brings are outweighed by creating an undo incentive for illegal immigration and all the problems that entails?

2. Is it okay to deport a parent even if that means separating them from their child? Is this a violation of human rights, or simply a necessary part of enforcing immigration laws and a risk the parents took when deciding to illegally enter the U.S.?